Early years
As she reached school age, her disability made her unable to keep pace with her siblings. Her parents, like millions of others whose children are different, struggled to find support. Rosemary attended the same schools as her siblings until she was 11. By then she had fallen so far behind that her parents sent her away to an experimental boarding school in Pennsylvania, which was designed for the education of the “feeble-minded.”
How her parents pretended she was no different than the others
In fact, they tried to hide Rosemary’s condition not only from the public but from their own close friends, and even from Rosemary herself. There would have been people in their social circles who might have whispered about “bad blood” in the family had the fact become known. They also believed that Rosemary would be happier if kept unaware of how different she was. In practice, the strict code of silence led Rosemary to become confused and frustrated when she could not keep up.
Still, she consistently wrestled with dark moods and impulse control, and her parents became increasingly anxious about her future. Fierce and impatient when frustrated, she began to act out again. She was often angry and sometimes violent. “She was upset easily and unpredictable,” wrote my grandmother. “Some of these upsets became tantrums, during which she broke things or hit out at people. Since she was quite strong, her blows were hard.” At the time, yet another new possibility for “fixing” Rosemary was gaining adherents: the lobotomy.
…My grandfather must have emphasized Rosemary’s rages and rebellious wanderings when he consulted with [her doctor]. To the end of her life, my grandmother would maintain that this assessment was correct: “A neurological disturbance or disease of some sort seemingly had overtaken her, and it was becoming progressively worse.” My grandfather chose to listen to the advice of experts. He scheduled a lobotomy for Rosemary— without telling my grandmother or any of his other children.
The outcome, in Rosemary’s case, was devastating….After a few weeks, it became apparent that she had been robbed of her speech and of significant cognitive capacity.
On Rosemary’s influence on her family, early on
At some level, they must have realized that in their sister Rosemary, they had received something far greater than they had ever been asked to give: a person whose love they didn’t have to earn. With Rosemary, they needed only to give love in order to receive it back.
And throughout her life
…In the midst of an enormously competitive and political family system, Rosemary Kennedy lived a full life to the age of eighty-six without ever giving a speech, writing a book, holding a job, or garnering the praise of the mighty.
Despite failing to meet any of the expectations that were imposed on the rest of us, she belonged . . . Her presence changed everything.